Slothful Creature

That's me. Here is my Sloth sound:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMj0t7sds7I&feature=related

Okay, so I couldn't find any real sloth sounds, but true children of the 80's will get the reference, and some may even sympathise with me because if I don't stop acting like a real sloth, I may end up looking like this Sloth...or his mother. Or Chunk, for that matter. Eeeeek.)

I don't have an adequate explanation, or even a weak and transparent excuse for the total lack of enthusiasm I presently feel toward the whole concept of exercise merely for the sake of exercise. I am of course aware of all the benefits of getting up off my ass, just as I am aware of the consequences of not doing so, and yet.... and yet. I just can't seem to bring myself to actually go out and DO IT. There is always something more enjoyable to do. *sigh*

Any suggestions??

Meanwhile, I am gobbling my lazy and undisciplined way toward the end of the school year. The last day of work is the 18th of June, and there are two long weekends between now and then. (Have I mentioned lately that I love my job?)

In other news, today Colombia elected a new president. Juan Manuel Santos, I believe. All over the country today Colombians were doing their civic duty while I lay in bed and played The Sims 3. (My Sim self is not interested in politics, either, though she does get considerably more exercise. Haha.)

Regarding the promise I made last weekend - to stop searching the internet for appropriate funeral songs, etc. and generally chill out - I have been a very good girl. I feel peaceful and healthy. And grateful. Now if I could just stop locking myself out of my apartment (five times in the past two months - thank goodness for spares) I will feel I have accomplished something.

Chicken, good...

So, I fell off the vegan wagon. Or rather I jumped off, face first, into a plate of trout. Which I followed up with a merengon (meringue with whipped cream and strawberries, I think we call this pavlova in English?) and copious amounts of mozzarella cheese.

That was last weekend, during my adventures in Salento. During the week things went well in the no-animal-products department, but this past weekend I went away again and it got even worse. I ate beef, and chicken and ice-cream, and an egg from a bird that was neither chicken nor duck, and it was all gooooooood.

I have been preparing excuses...er, explanations for my devious behaviour, and they are as follows:

1) Sometimes you have to do things to be polite while you are a guest in someone else's home. (right??) I stayed with a friend's uncle in Medellin this past weekend, and lunch was already prepared when we arrived Saturday afternoon - shredded beef in a tomato-based sauce with rice and fried plantain, accompanied by fresh mango juice. Now I've always been a bit of a picky eater, and I'm very particular about how I eat my plantain - the fried version falls under the NO category, as does mango juice, which only left the rice and meat. And I was ravenous. And it smelled incredible. And I wanted to be polite... Oh, dearest beef, how I had missed you!!

2) I get to be alive, and should make the most of it by doing whatever I want to do, and in this case it was eat meat and cheese and ice cream. I'm celebrating! And plus, life should be a pleasure whenever possible.

3) If I'm going to die anyway, what difference does it make what I eat?

4) Um...I'm sure I had a fourth...something about...erm...I can't quite recall, but I assure you it was very convincing. I was convinced.

And yes, it made me feel all bloated and heavy and kind of icky, but it tasted spectacular. I'm not going to beat myself up over my little fling with meat, dairy and mystery eggs, but tomorrow I will renew my dedication to the choices I made, and below you will find part of my inspiration. They are making a documentary about the work of Dr. Colin T. Campbell, one of the authors of The China Study. This is the trailer - very exciting!!

Other exciting news; I was in Medellin not just for the pleasure of the 10-hour round-trip bus journey, but to go here:

to meet my doctor for a follow-up appointment. He was very happy, all the tests look great, and said he had many patients who would do anything to be as well as I am. (This last comment was in response to the tears I couldn't quite hold back, but which were perhaps slightly out of place given the happy outcome of all my tests. I have no explanation - sometimes a girl's just got to cry.)

For the recurring hip-pain situation, which the doctor insists has nothing to do with my disease despite the fact that it started when I got sick and went away during treatment and has now returned, my kindly doctor has ordered an MRI and referred me to a rheumatologist, as well as a...wait, I have to look this one up in the dictionary...orthopedic specialist. Sooo...more doctor's appointments!! But really, I'm just glad to hear that it is not related to the leukemia - now I don't have to have a panic every time my hip (pelvis?) is uncomfortable.

Tonight, I am going to take a deep breath (or at least I will try - it would seem I have picked up a cold somewhere along the way, and breathing is not as easy at present as I would like it to be) and sleep peacefully, and tomorrow I make a fresh start. Again. (The beautiful thing of course, is that I can have as many fresh starts as I am willing to permit myself, and this whole process has taught me to be more patient and forgiving of myself.) I have made a promise to a friend, and to myself to get my anxiety under control. I don't have tests again until three months from now, so I can take a break from the worrying. I've got a lot to look forward to - the end of the school year and my trip home are two major events - and many things to keep me busy in the meantime, so while it will not be easy to leave off worrying so much, I think it will not be impossible, either.

To finish off, I would like to say cheers to the friend who accompanied me this past weekend for my appointment, introduced me to her family, and drew pictures of chromosomes for me at the breakfast table while patiently answering my many, many questions. May there be many more weekends such as this one!

Quiet outside and in

So it turns out that it is possible to still my mind (at least the most insistent, annoying, repetitive parts) provided that adequate distraction is available and I am feeling self-disciplined. This past weekend I took a break from making myself crazy and went away for the weekend. The rules were simple: 1) no talking about cancer; and 2) no thinking about cancer.

Rule number one was a wild success. I don't think I brought the topic up once. Okay, maybe just one time, in passing. But that's it. Rule number two was more complicated. I couldn't stop the thoughts from appearing, but I was very conscious of not allowing them to hover and take me away from what I was doing, let alone ruin a moment. Entire hours might have gone by where I did not think what does that bruise mean? Or I wonder how they will treat me if I relapse? Or I really really really don't want to get sick again!

The Valley of Cocora, as you will see below is green and beautiful and peaceful and I am grateful (to my travelling companion, as well as the great big universe) that I was able to experience it, and feel a little bit of that peace within myself, if only briefly.

Your laboratories are very very good, congratulations.

This reply from my doctor in Medellin after I sent him my blood test results. Deep breaths.

Tonight I will finally get some sleep.

Blood

My experience with leukemia taught me many things. I'm not referring here to self-awareness, or deep, meaningful life-changing revelations - though it did provide some insight in these areas - I'm referring to knowledge. Specifically, blood knowledge.

For example, before I got sick I did not know my blood type. Now, I will never forget that I am B+. I did not know what was in blood, or how transfusions work, or what an implantable port was, or that such a thing even existed. And not only do I know this stuff now, but I know it all in Spanish. You have to appreciate the extra challenge, folks.

I am contemplating all of this because tomorrow is blood test day. I'm not going to explain how frightening this is for me, you can use your imagination, but if I were to try I suspect I might make use of the word 'paralytic', and perhaps 'unbearable', and 'overwhelming anxiety' might make an appearance as well...you get the idea.

But no matter how much it scares me, this is my lot in life just now - Cancer Part II: Follow-Up Tests. It is stressful, but far less so that 'Cancer Part III: Relapse' would be so I must remind myself not to complain.

Now, I don't know how often patients with different types of cancer have their blood tested, but in my case they drew blood almost daily throughout my treatment, except during the last two months, when they tested it every three days or so. Follow-up tests are only three months, which is excellent in terms of diminishing needle-pokings, but carries with it a huge rise in worrying-in-between-tests.

Regular needle stabbing does have its effects...

I still have faint bruising and soreness... I will have to ask my doctor later this month when I see him if this is going to go away or if I am likely to look like a junkie forever.

Anyway, I am told that tomorrow's tests are fairly routine. One is a standard blood count test, and the other four are all to check liver function, which I'm told is standard after any heavy medication. The spectacular thing about tests in Colombia is that they hand over the results directly to the patient. So tomorrow afternoon I can access them online and hopefully do a little victory dance and then carry on with my day. (I can also forward them to my doctor this way, and I don't have to worry about losing the paper before I got to see him in two weeks - very handy indeed!)

This is what the results look like, for the blood-count test, anyway. The liver tests are totally new to me and I have no idea what they are supposed to look like. If it is a question of normal or not normal it will probably say so in the results but reading these in any meaningful way will have to wait for my visit to the doctor.

The report shows my blood results, what unit they are measured in, and the normal range for my age and gender. Quite user-friendly, wouldn't you say? I circled the numbers that are most important.

The red circle is the hemoglobin, these are the cells that carry the oxygen around the body. Low hemoglobin = anemia, and makes you too tired to walk up the street or get out of bed! If this number goes below 8.0 it is transfusion time. I think my record was 6.9...

The orange circle refers to platelets. Platelets are the cells in your blood that allow it to clot. Low platelet count is called thrombocytopenia, and it means that if you happen to pass out on the bathroom floor and bump your head just a little bit on the toilet they are going to make you sit through a CAT scan and an MRI to check for internal bleeding.

It also means random outbreaks of petechia - these look like little red freckles which are actually superficial bleeding into the skin. I catch myself examining my skin for these little dots on a regular basis.

A count less than 10,000 means transfusion time, I think I made it as low as 2,000 at one point. Platelet transfusions are interesting because platelets are not red - they are an almost transparent yellowy colour so it looks like they are putting a bag of snot into you. And as an extra bonus, I tend to be allergic to them, so these transfusions come accompanied by some heavy anti-histamines of the knock-you-on-your-ass-in-less-than-three-minutes variety. Basically, platelet transfusion = immediate and extended drug-induced nap.)

The blue circle is the white blood cell count. White blood cells fight disease. When you don't have enough of these - a condition called leukopenia - you are not allowed to go outside or interact with other people, and anyone that comes near you has to disinfect their hands first and wear a medical mask.

Leukemia (or at least my type, I don't know much about the others) is basically blood cell production gone awry. Certain cells don't develop properly and the blood becomes full of these immature and useless cells called myeloblasts, which crowd out fully developed and functioning cells. So, it is very important that tomorrow's tests show normal levels of healthy cells, and no blast cells. Positive vibes, people!

For your enjoyment, some 'transfusion highlights' below... over the course of my treatment I was given 15 units of whole blood and 96 units of platelets. The nurses joked with me that I am now at least half Colombian :-)

Transfusions take a looooong time...up to 5 hours per bag of whole blood, and they usually do two consecutively. So the nurses have developed a number of strategies to speed the process up. Below observe the blood pressure cuff trick, followed by the tape-the-bag-to-the-ceiling tactic.

Moo?

Check out this video for some surprising comments about milk and its effects on health, as well as a tangent about the uselessness of the American food pyramid. (Note to Canadians - there are many who believe that these complaints apply to Canada's Food Guide as well...)

Please pardon the position of the video. I'm still figuring this out!

Manimez: Whole Wheat Heaven

Saturday pre-lunch snack: hot chocolate made with cocoa powder and soy milk, and a slice of lightly toasted oatmeal whole wheat bread.

Bread!!!

And I haven't even broken any rules - it contains no milk and no eggs, and it is good, even without anything on it. I wanted it sooooo badly that even though I went to bed at four-thirty in the morning (awesome night - live music, dancing - thank you so much!) I was walking toward the health food store six hours later. I could have taken a bus or taxi, of course, but the sun was out and you must take advantage of those moments around here.

The health food store is called Manimez, but really it is misleading to call it just a 'health food store'. It is a health food-pharmacy-bakery-cafe-juice bar-restaurant-craft store. (Yes, craft store. I walked in and immediately thought of Sesame Street, "One of these things is not like the other..." and shame on you if you don't remember the song!)

The shelves upon shelves of bottled supplements looked interesting, but not like something I could put in my cupboard and later convert into lunch. I wanted something to eat. There were baked items on display in the cafe/bakery in the back which I assumed were not vegan-friendly, and a small juice bar serving juiced things that give me allergic reactions. I was utterly disappointed and turned and walked back outside.

But I had been so excited about finding this place, I hated to give up that quickly. So though I felt kind of foolish about it, I regrouped and went back in, quite determined to find something I could take home with me. I asked at the bakery and most of the products were okay for me to eat, so I ordered a pineapple muffin and something resembling grape juice. I also bought the above-mentioned loaf of whole wheat bread, and a kilo of whole wheat flour, a luxury item as I have been unable to find it anywhere else in this city.

And how was this muffin that I had walked over an hour to enjoy? Well...I am beginning to suspect that my first experience with vegan baking set me up with some very unreasonable expectations. I was treated to a vegan chocolate cake last weekend, and it was without exaggeration one of the tastiest cakes I've ever eaten. Today's muffin, however, was mediocre at best. It was dry, and not particularly flavourful, and stuck in my throat. I'm quite confident I can do better at home, and I think I will make an attempt at chocolate cookies this weekend.

On my way out, I had a closer look at the many plastic bottles lined up behind the counter. If all of those tablets do all of the things they promise to do, I calculate that one more visit to Manimez with sufficient funds and I can convert myself into a perfectly-sized, firm-breasted female with shiny hair, flawless skin, and one hundred percent satisfied nutritional needs. I could grab a bottle of wild yam and chamomile personal lubricant to top the whole deal off, and be chlorophyll-full and trouble-free for 30 days, until my next supplement refill!

Even more perplexing was the craft counter. Not because the craft supplies themselves were strange (no products made of sheep placenta here), but because what the hell is a craft store doing in the middle of a health-food centre?

The next step in my exploration of Vegan Manizales: go back and try the restaurant. The muffin was abysmal, but the bread was a success so I will give them the benefit of the doubt. I shall let you know how it goes. In the meantime, if you are curious (and understand Spanish) I have posted a link to the Manimez website under 'Health Stuff'. They post their daily restaurant menu, and provide a list of all the pills they sell, as well as the 'esoteric items'. And if you don't speak Spanish but want to hear some Colombian/Spanish-language music, the website automatically streams a local radio station.