Meditation Marathon - Part II

DAY ONE

Noble silence started last night, day ‘zero’. I feel like an asshole wandering around not making eye contact or greeting or even smiling at anyone.

Our task today: concentrate on breathing. Just observe the breath. Turns out my brain is simultaneously bored and challenged by this job.

In...out...in...Am I really doing this?...I really want to see that movie, what was it called again? With that actor...Crap. Focus! In...out....I forgot to write a thank you note to that mom who gave me that scarf as a present....I wonder what my sister is doing...my arm is itchy. Oops. Right. Breathing. In...out....Has it been ten minutes yet? fifteen? Is there even a clock in here? I feel like I want to open my eyes. But what if someone sees me? The salad dressing at lunch was really good today...In...I feel a bit cold... aaarghhh!

DAY TWO

Our task today: not only must we observe the breath, we must observe the feeling of the breath going in and out of our nostrils. The teacher (Goenka, who is not actually present but who gives instructions and lectures through audio and visual recordings) pronounces it nose-strils and says that if we can't feel the breath, we should do a few 'harder breathings', and I think I might giggle out loud. There are 80 adults in the room; surely I'm not the only one who finds this amusing?

Concentrating on breathing, or the breath passing in and out of one's nose-strils is nearly impossible however, when one's mind has converted itself into The Eye of Sauron - focusing with intense hostility on every shuffle, sniffle, cough and other disturbance outside of its borders and therefore completely incapable of concentrating on what is going on inside, like say, the feeling of the breath on the nostrils for even 3 seconds straight.

Nose-strils...hahaha....that fan is way too loud...someone to my left is sniffling an awful lot...Why would you come to a course like this when you have such a bad cold? Is that...snorting? Someone is SNORTING? What a pig, that's disgusting - why didn't he blow his nose before he came in here?? HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO CONCENTRATE WITH ALL THIS NOISE???

DAY THREE

Our task today: concentrate on a small area around the nostrils and above the upper lip, and see if we feel any sensations.

Nose-strils....nose-strils...I don't feel anything. Am I doing it wrong? Can other people feel sensations? Does an itch count as a sensation? Maybe I'll do some hard breathings. Breathings...hahaha. *sigh* My back hurts. I'm not sure this is for me.

Lunch was fairly tofu-heavy today, and this afternoon's meditation was a chorus of stomach gurgles. The men and women have been segregated since our arrival and only come together during group meditations, sitting on opposite sides of the special meditation hall. I think the women get up and move around more, but in terms of bodily noises the men's side of the room wins hands down. I am certain that amongst the members of our group, today will be remembered as The Day That Guy Farted.

And he didn't just do it once. The first time, being mature adults, and supposedly deep in meditation and therefore not noticing such insignificant disturbances as this, we all ignored it. Again it happened, and again maturity and concentration won out. The third time however, someone giggled and that's all it took for a room full of adults who had committed themselves to ten days of serious mental work and reflection to laugh uproariously at something my second graders are generally able to ignore. Half of the students in the hall got up and left. I tried to focus my mind again, but the giggling took a long time to subside and eventually I had to leave the hall, worried that if I didn't my mind would play this little movie over and over all day, my progress ultimately ruined by some guy's inability to digest tofu.

I think we’re doing something different tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to it. I hope we broaden the area of focus – I don’t think I can observe my own nostrils any more carefully than I already am...

(to be continued)