Traitor

Not a great day, frankly. The dull ache/tingling feeling in my shoulder that I have been trying to ignore for the past two weeks decided that today was the day to make itself Ignorable-No-Longer. By the time I got to the gym tonight at 7:30 the pins and needles had progressed down my arm into my hand, and pain was not far behind.

Fortunately, the gym has an on-site sports physician who was able to see me right away. Treatment: no more shoulder work in the immediate future, ice after all exercise, heat every night, pain meds and anti-inflammatories (in capsule form for now, but injections are the next step if this doesn't work) and physical therapy starting ASAP. We barely do any shoulder work - how did this happen?

Of course, the pain isn't the problem. The tingling is annoying, but that's not the real problem, either. The real problem is what this does to my mental state. It would not be an understatement to say that I am hyper-vigilant about my health. I treat my body well - I feed it good things, and exercise it regularly. I should feel good. And gym time is my therapy; it is far more reassuring than talking to a psychologist because every workout is evidence that my body is well. A successful workout is almost as comforting as good blood results. It is not supposed to damage my body, and any deviation from FEELING GOOD tends to throw me into a bit of a panic.

Even if it is logical that I have been pushing myself and have tensed/pinched something as a result, there is still a part of my mind that wonders...is exercise really the cause of this, or am I more susceptible because something else is going on in my body that I don't know about yet? 

I know that it is hard to understand why this would bother me so much. I know that the problem seems obvious, and therefore silly to worry about. I know that I can't let fear dominate my reaction to everything relating to my body/health (or any other area of my life, actually). Most days, all this logic and sense keeps me in line, however today has been an exception.

Tomorrow will be better. Bring on the Dolonime.