That was last weekend, during my adventures in Salento. During the week things went well in the no-animal-products department, but this past weekend I went away again and it got even worse. I ate beef, and chicken and ice-cream, and an egg from a bird that was neither chicken nor duck, and it was all gooooooood.
I have been preparing excuses...er, explanations for my devious behaviour, and they are as follows:
1) Sometimes you have to do things to be polite while you are a guest in someone else's home. (right??) I stayed with a friend's uncle in Medellin this past weekend, and lunch was already prepared when we arrived Saturday afternoon - shredded beef in a tomato-based sauce with rice and fried plantain, accompanied by fresh mango juice. Now I've always been a bit of a picky eater, and I'm very particular about how I eat my plantain - the fried version falls under the NO category, as does mango juice, which only left the rice and meat. And I was ravenous. And it smelled incredible. And I wanted to be polite... Oh, dearest beef, how I had missed you!!
2) I get to be alive, and should make the most of it by doing whatever I want to do, and in this case it was eat meat and cheese and ice cream. I'm celebrating! And plus, life should be a pleasure whenever possible.
3) If I'm going to die anyway, what difference does it make what I eat?
4) Um...I'm sure I had a fourth...something about...erm...I can't quite recall, but I assure you it was very convincing. I was convinced.
And yes, it made me feel all bloated and heavy and kind of icky, but it tasted spectacular. I'm not going to beat myself up over my little fling with meat, dairy and mystery eggs, but tomorrow I will renew my dedication to the choices I made, and below you will find part of my inspiration. They are making a documentary about the work of Dr. Colin T. Campbell, one of the authors of The China Study. This is the trailer - very exciting!!
Other exciting news; I was in Medellin not just for the pleasure of the 10-hour round-trip bus journey, but to go here:
to meet my doctor for a follow-up appointment. He was very happy, all the tests look great, and said he had many patients who would do anything to be as well as I am. (This last comment was in response to the tears I couldn't quite hold back, but which were perhaps slightly out of place given the happy outcome of all my tests. I have no explanation - sometimes a girl's just got to cry.)
For the recurring hip-pain situation, which the doctor insists has nothing to do with my disease despite the fact that it started when I got sick and went away during treatment and has now returned, my kindly doctor has ordered an MRI and referred me to a rheumatologist, as well as a...wait, I have to look this one up in the dictionary...orthopedic specialist. Sooo...more doctor's appointments!! But really, I'm just glad to hear that it is not related to the leukemia - now I don't have to have a panic every time my hip (pelvis?) is uncomfortable.
Tonight, I am going to take a deep breath (or at least I will try - it would seem I have picked up a cold somewhere along the way, and breathing is not as easy at present as I would like it to be) and sleep peacefully, and tomorrow I make a fresh start. Again. (The beautiful thing of course, is that I can have as many fresh starts as I am willing to permit myself, and this whole process has taught me to be more patient and forgiving of myself.) I have made a promise to a friend, and to myself to get my anxiety under control. I don't have tests again until three months from now, so I can take a break from the worrying. I've got a lot to look forward to - the end of the school year and my trip home are two major events - and many things to keep me busy in the meantime, so while it will not be easy to leave off worrying so much, I think it will not be impossible, either.
To finish off, I would like to say cheers to the friend who accompanied me this past weekend for my appointment, introduced me to her family, and drew pictures of chromosomes for me at the breakfast table while patiently answering my many, many questions. May there be many more weekends such as this one!
I dont know why but this thought came to my mind. Lord, grant me the serenity to change the things I CAN change to courage to accept the things I CANNOT change, And the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE.
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